i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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