I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
