i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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