i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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