The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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