I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
