I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His nipple licking is glorious
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
