You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
