So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
