Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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