you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
