i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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