You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
