I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
