I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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