me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
