do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
