it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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