my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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