You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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