If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
