Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
