turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They took my balls.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
