I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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