youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
