Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
