Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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