True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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