they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
