dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
