Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
