I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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