am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
