yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
