Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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