i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
