Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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