You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
