If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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