cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
