dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I met the friendliest cop last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
