I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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