Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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