my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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