If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
