yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
