You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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