I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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