I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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