I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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