big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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