my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
pop tarts are not kleenex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
