Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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