you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
