your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
